Jewish singles seeking same -- online and in person
By Liz Sadler
- reprinted with permission by the author
A line snakes down the front stairs and around the block at the China Club in Midtown Manhattan. Inside, Jewish men and women pay $20 for an evening of intrafaith mingling. Up another flight of stairs and past the coat check, "Got to Be Real" by Cheryl Lynn pumps through the stereo system. The music throbs and fluorescent strobe lights orbit the crowded dance floor.
Beside the circular bar, Jason, a salesman from Long Beach, N.Y., who would not give his last name, eyes a short brunette in a red sweater. A burly 32-year-old with a diamond-encrusted chai -- the Jewish symbol for life -- around his neck, Jason is a secular Jew who prefers to date Jewish women. Like most of the people here tonight, he subscribes to JDate, an Internet dating service for Jewish singles.
Matchnet, the California-based company that runs the site, organized the Valentine's Day bash. It provides popular venues for Jewish people to meet and frequently gives JDate parties and events in large cities. The celebrations tend to attract single people from ages 25 to 40, according to the Web site.
JDate has become somewhat of a phenomenon among the young Jewish set since its inception in 1997. With over 300,000 American subscribers -- JDate also operates in six other countries -- one in every 10 Jewish singles belongs, according to the Web site. Members pay between $15.50 and $28.50 a month to post pictures and personal profiles on the site. JDate then provides initial contact between members so they can maintain anonymity, without revealing their phone numbers or personal e-mail addresses.
Jason joined JDate six months ago under the alias "JTDiver." He went on several dates and eventually met someone, he says, "but she turned out to be a wacko." Like most JDate members, Jason is not particularly religious. He does not keep kosher or regularly attend synagogue. "The chai belonged to my grandfather," he explains.
In fact, the majority of JDate members are secular Jews who prefer to date within the Jewish faith. "It's a sense of where you come from, your history," explains Alissa, another JDate member who withheld her last name. Alissa, a secular Jew, dates only Jewish men. "If I ever get married and have kids, I want to raise them Jewish," she says. "It's how I was raised."
Alissa, 30, scans the largely male crowd from a secluded table with friends Stacey Lefkowitz and Jamie Sechmuer. All three women hope to meet Jewish men. Sechmuer, a 30-year-old from Brooklyn, joined JDate several months ago after she broke up with her boyfriend. In the first week, she received about 150 e-mail messages from JDate members, she says. But a few months later, Sechmuer is not the new girl anymore. Now she gets about two a week.
Like Alissa, Sechumer, a secular Jew, dates only Jewish men. "It's about tradition," she says. "I just feel more comfortable." Lefkowitz, a non-subscriber, does not have religious stipulations, she says.
Across the room, Adam, 26, jockeys for a drink at the bar. He joined JDate six months ago and has gone on one date so far. Adam says that religious differences ended his last relationship. "We got involved and it became an issue," he says. "That's why we broke up."
Adam subsequently decided he would date only Jewish women. Although he's not religious, he wants to raise Jewish children, he says.
Florence Neuman works at the Bronfman Center for Jewish Life at the 92nd Street Young Men's/Women's Hebrew Association in Manhattan. The center organizes classes, events and lectures for Jews. Neuman believes that young Jewish people want to maintain a sense of history and community. Thus, they seek Jewish partners who share the same experiences and values. When she was single, she never entertained the thought of going to a movie with a non-Jew, she says.
"My mother would be proud," says Rob, a 32-year-old media buyer in Manhattan who joined JDate a year ago. Like several others here, Rob does not pay to use JDate. He posts his profile on the Web site for free, but does not have access to members. Potential dates have to contact him. Nonetheless, Rob says he's been on about five dates and hopes to establish a long-term relationship with another secular Jew. "It's a family thing," he says. "You want to stay true to your family."
Danny Garber, a trader from Manhattan, joined JDate eight months ago and has been on about a dozen dates. Garber, an experienced online dater and secular Jew, admits he would not overlook somebody who is not Jewish. But he says he would rather date a Jewish woman.
He gives JDate rave reviews, compared with other Internet dating services. "Matchmaker and Yahoo stink," he explains. Since people have to pay for for JDate, "you know you're talking to serious people."
As he scopes out the China Club dance floor, Garber offers one other piece of advice to potential JDate users -- "If you don't talk to the person first ... big mistake." He says dates he did not screen on the telephone beforehand yielded unhappy results.
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